More Little Notes

Dear Middle School Girls –

I know you hate that PE is the 1^st thing in the morning and that they’re making you run outside in the chill. That is no reason to half-heartedly jog along 2 and 3 abreast, taking up the whole sidewalk so that I have to run off into the street so we don’t collide. You are teeny little things, and I would snap you like a twig. Look up.

Dear Costco Sample Distributors –

Let’s cut to the chase. We both know I’m not going to buy 150 meatballs. I just want a snack. So stop giving me the evil eye and hand me a toothpick.

Dear Lady Driving Next to Me –

If your eyesight is so poor that you cannot see a minivan in the lane to the right of your itty bitty econo-car (I’m not judging) and you think you can just drift on over whenever you please, perhaps you should consider taking the train.

Dear Perfume Lady –

I am just walking by you to get to the kids department.  I didn’t even make eye contact. Do not spritz me with your napalm cologne and don’t hand me a tiny smelly card when there are no trash cans within a 50 year radius. Back off. 

P.S. Your perfume smells exactly like Love’s Baby Soft.