My Next Vacation Might Be to the Asylum

Not that I have all my marbles collected on my best day, but I think I have lost my fool mind today. With precious little nudging, I agreed to a getaway trip with the family since the Hub has next week off (he has to take a week off at a time and pick his weeks well in advance, so the time has been on the calendar for some…time). I claim delirium because I didn’t think about all the work involved when I called and booked a condo. I was so surprised that my first choice was available that everything else just flew right out of my mind. And took my sanity with it.

In theory, I love to travel. As a kid, we’d visit family and apparently I’d cry and sulk for hours on the day we would leave to go home. The idea of getting away to someplace new with the priority of having fun is appealing. How could it not be? I’ll tell you how.

I am now the Mom. Which means that my priority is not having fun. My priorities are making sure that my children and my husband do not maim themselves, get lost, do anything illegal, or drive me so crazy that I do. I have to pack, and that does not stop at a tiny overnight case with a change of clothes and a toothbrush. I have list upon list to remember (in no particular order because EVERYTHING’s important): underwear, socks, t-shirts, shorts for the heat, pants for the breezy, shoes, sandals, pajamas, swimsuits, swim diapers, enough diapers, every cream and balm you could possibly need for a red butt, baby lotion, baby shampoo, baby soap, baby medicine, allergy medicine, tools to administer said medicine, pillows, maps, bottles, sippy cups, blankies, movies, toothbrushes, hairbrushes, hair dryers, pacifiers, something to trap the baby in so she doesn’t run away in the dead of the night, toys, games, the computer, the power cord for the computer, the camera, extra batteries for everything, breakfast food, lunch food, snack food, in between snack food, anything I can possibly think of to entertain 2 kids on a 2 hour car ride while trapped in car seats, books, sodas, the stroller, sunglasses, and the confirmation number. This does not include the things I need to feel human, which is yet another list. And before you get started, yes, there are several things I’ve left off and will hopefully remember before we’re an hour down the road. I also have to know the directions (this is a horrible situation as I am notoriously directionally challenged), plan out the meals and activities, and monitor the spending (I’m looking at you, Hub). I will be so exhausted at the end of this trip, they might have to drag me back into the house as my bones will have melted.

I am a living embodiment of Newton’s Law: a body at rest tends to stay at rest and a body in motion tends to stay in motion. When I’m home, I don’t really want to go anywhere. When I’m away, I don’t really want to come back. But in this case, since I’m committed (or should be) (thank you, I’ll be here all night and don’t forget to tip your waitress), I’d better stay in motion of we’ll end up half naked and starving thumbing a ride to the nearest gas station.