It's hard to be motivated to write every day for a month when 1) you've posted a grand total of 1 time since the calendar turned over, and 2) you've spent the day cleaning toilets. Yes, I'm in a great mood over here.
Why are boys so gross? I have a brother, but we mercifully didn't have to share a bathroom and I was never tasked with scrubbing his (thank you, Mom!), so I was relatively blind to the destruction the male form of the species could inflict on a bathroom. If memory serves, I nearly bludgeoned my soon-to-be husband 2 days before our wedding when we were moving him out of his bachelor apartment into our new place and I ended up having to clean behind the toilet. Seriously, it could have been over in just that instant. I'm pretty sure both my parents had to hold me back. I did my best, but we did not get that security deposit back.
And now: Boy Child. Good gravy, Son, you can walk a straight line, fire an honest to goodness arrow right into a target, you even have a rifle shooting merit badge for heaven's sake - where is your aim? Does the white porcelain blind you? Does tile make you dizzy? Do you get vertigo around shower curtains? I will never understand, and I'm guessing that after 13 years, it's unlikely to get much better without some educational intervention.
An aside: A couple of weeks ago, said boy child was quite excited to go on a scout camping trip because he had the role of grubmaster. Oh, what does that entail, I asked. He told me he and his group had figured out the meal plan for the trip and he needed to procure all the food. Translation: I would have to procure all the food. Fine. I didn't mind, since it gave me a chance to project manage their list and see how far under budget I could get (spoiler: 50%). But the day before the trip, I discover 2 enormous foot lockers that had been squirreled into my trunk. And they were full of the most grotesquely dirty dishes I have ever seen. Like years of caked on grease just allowed to congeal and layer onto the pots and pans. So nasty.
Well, I could not contribute to the disease exposure, so I rolled up my sleeves and went to town. I scrubbed through an entire econo-sized box of SOS pads. I broke into a sweat like I'd just run 5 miles. They weren't in like new condition, but they were clean and usable again. I packed those lockers like the finely tuned Tetris player I am and collapsed.
So here is what I want to do. I want to design my own merit badge (scout status unnecessary because this is too important). A cleaning merit badge. Example lessons:
- There is more dirt around than you are currently noticing
- Actual cleaning requires more effort waving a paper towel near something
- Introduction to brillo pads and other scrubbing mechanisms
- No, that's not clean yet
- Master class in toilet disinfecting: it takes more than swirling a brush around the bowl
Well, that got away from me for a bit. I should probably go get the aforementioned boy child from school so he can destroy my hard work in 18 nanoseconds. And then the homework can really begin.