Scene: Recently-turned 5 year old pushes a toddler-sized mail cart (that he’s had since he was 1 and has never taken much interest in) around the house.
5 Year Old (shoving a primary-colored plastic envelope in Mom’s face): Special delivery!
Mom (working up excitement to join in his imaginary world): Oh boy! I got a letter. Thank you, Mr. Postman.
5 Year Old (shoving a second envelope in Dad’s face): Special delivery!
Dad: Yippee! It says I won the lottery!
5 Year Old (grabbing his own envelope and thrusting it in the air): I got BILLS!!!!!!!!!!
No other actor can feign this much joy over the ugliest of all mail. Academy, please send his Oscar UPS.
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